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Kelly Gonsalves is a sex educator, relationship coach, and journalist. She received her journalism degree from Northwestern University, and her writings on sex, relationships, identity, and wellness have appeared at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. You've probably heard a couple's story of how they met get described as being "so romantic," or the phrase might be used to describe a particularly dramatic or meaningful gesture from one person toward the object of their affection.
Some people might even describe themselves as a "hopeless romantic" in general. But what does that word really mean? Here's what romance is really all about, plus how to be a more romantic partner in your relationship. Being romantic is about expressing love and dedication in a way that's intentional, unmistakable, and deeply affectionate. It often involves dramatic or passionate gestures, though smaller actions that indicate enduring affection can also be romantic. The word romantic stems from the Latin word Romanus or Romanicuswhich literally meant "Roman" or "from Rome.
Over time, the word "romance" began to become associated with dramatic love stories in general. That's part of why romance today is often associated with over-the-top gestures between lovers. A romantic partner, however, does need to be attentive, thoughtful, willing, creative, and considerate of [their] partner's secret and not-so-secret longings. First and foremost, a romantic person is willing to regularly show how much they love and adore the object of their affection.
They might regularly offer small displays of affection, whether that's through acts of servicewords of affirmationor other sweet gestures. If you become tuned in to what your partner wants and needs, you can craft spontaneous surprises and long-term romantic patterns that will eternally thrill your partner. Importantly, a romantic person doesn't just offer a bunch of gifts and sweet nothings with no real meaning behind them.
A huge part of what makes someone or something romantic is the idea that the love and passion they offer is unwavering and enduring, and it's uniquely offered to a specific person. That's what separates a romantic person from a flirt: the intensity, longevity, and specificity of their feelings. That's why the most romantic speeches or love lettersfor example, are often highly personalized: "For a longtime love, you want to talk about memories, overcoming obstacles together, what made you fall in love initially, why you still love them today, and what you see in the future," Lia Miller, M.
The original concept of romance came from stories of the chivalrous deeds of knights willing to lay down their lives for love. In modern times, dramatic gestures are still associated with the idea of romance: traveling long distances to surprise the person you love, proposing in front of a big crowd of people, or even simply talking about your future together Being more romantic on in a relationship.
Romantic people might also specifically describe their love for someone in highly sentimental, cosmic, or larger-than-life terms, such as describing their lovers as " soul mates ," talking about how fate brought them together, or declaring that their love will last them to the grave and beyond. They may have a tendency to idealize their partner or their relationship as well, which may not exactly be a healthy tendency, despite the romanticism of it.
On the flip side, not everyone will consider sweeping gestures and over-the-top declaration of love to be romantic. Sometimes being a romantic person is simply about being highly present, warm, and affectionate with your partner in the day-to-day moments. Being a romantic person means setting a tone of affectionate love and passion year-round, not just on special occasions like Valentine's Day or someone's birthday, Manly points out. Here are just a few ideas for how to be romantic, from big gestures to small habits you can sprinkle on your daily life together:.
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Explore Classes. February 14, What does it mean to be romantic? Qualities of a romantic person:. A tendency for big gestures. Tell them you love them, often. Write a love letter reminding your partner of all the reasons you love them. Engage in more sensual foreplay ideas. Practice having slower, more emotionally connected sex. Take note when your partner mentions something they want, and buy it as a present for them. Plan a romantic getaway with your partner from top to bottom, so they don't have to think about any of the planning details.
Always kiss your partner good morning, good night, hello, and goodbye. After you get to the end of a day together, tell your partner the things you liked most about the day together. Journal about your dates and experiences with your partner so you remember them in detail. Reminisce about your fondest memories together—bring up specific details about your partner and the way you felt about them in those moments. Ask your partner what makes them feel loved, and then do those things. Remember important dates and events your partner has coming up, and check in on them on those days asking how things went or celebrating getting over the milestones.
Surprise your partner at work with a homemade lunch or meal from their favorite restaurant. Make your partner breakfast in bed. Come up from behind your Being more romantic while they're doing something and wrap your arms around them. Hold your partner's hand, or put your arm around them in public. Drop in mentions of how much you love your partner while hanging out in group settings. When you know your partner is going to have a hard day at Being more romantic, show up at their office at the end of the day to walk home with them.
Compliment your partner often. Write your partner poetry. Watch romantic movies together, and then start bringing in the sweetest lines into how you talk to your partner. If you don't live together, text your partner good night every night. Talk about what you envision your future together to be like. Spark some romantic conversations every now and then! Here are some conversation starters for couples.
Don't fall asleep after sex—instead, cuddle and tell your partner what you liked about your sexual experience. If they like physical touchtouch your partner when you talk to them: Rest your hand on their knee, rub their arm, or hold hands. Bring back souvenirs for them when you come back from trips so they know you were thinking about them.
If you see something in a store that you know they'd like, buy it for them—just because. Go all out on date nights every now and then: candles, music, cooking special meals, the whole nine yards. Suggest new ideas for things to do together as a couple.
When they're talking to you, really listen —put away any tech, make eye contact, and fully engage in the conversation. Get creative with how you express your love: Use metaphors, reference past memories, and go Being more romantic just "I love you. Make your partner coffee, tea, or their preferred drink in the morning before they even get up.
Do small things around the house that you know will make your partner's life easier. Don't worry about trying to play it cool—lean into sentimentality. Kiss your partner in places other than on the lips: Try their forehead, back of the hand, or shoulder. Ask your partner what they find romantic, and do that. Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach based in Brooklyn, as well as the sex and relationships editor at mindbodygreen.
She has a degree in journalism More On This Topic Love. Carla Marie Manly, Ph. Acamea Deadwiler, M. With Esther Perel. Shannon Kaiser. Kelly Gonsalves.Being more romantic
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